By Manuella Eken
Dating in Ottawa has led me to explore interracial relationships, and to my surprise, I’m not mad about it—at least for now! My recent relocation from Johannesburg, South Africa’s vibrant and bustling youthful city, to Ottawa, Canada’s tranquil and leisurely capital, has been a significant transition. Initially, the sheer difference between these two cities left me conflicted, but I am gradually adjusting. This new adjustment, my friend, had me thinking: what is the dating scene like for a Black woman in a city infatuated with hiking, camping, kayaking, and snowmobiling?
While I never engaged in serious dating in South Africa for various reasons, my move to Ottawa has sparked my curiosity about exploring the dating scene. I’ve decided to embark on this brave (or perhaps foolish) journey through dating apps (send your prayers, y’all). You might be skeptical but hear me out. As you approach your late 20s, it can be tough to meet potential partners organically.
Now, sis, before you take my word for it–here’s a disclaimer: I am still new at this, and my opinion may change before summer ends. Although this brief and emotionally taxing experience hasn’t been entirely positive, I’ve gained valuable lessons and broadened my perspective.
WHAT YOU THINK, YOU ATTRACT
I chose to close myself off from dating for a couple of reasons. I’ve always harbored a negative viewpoint of relationships because, in my mind, relationships are full of heartaches. In addition, I had a very unhealthy, self-loathing relationship with myself, and there was no way I was going to entrust my heart to anyone else. So, instead, I decided to focus on loving and understanding myself better.
I’ve come to realize that to attract a healthy relationship, I need to change my attitude. I must redirect my thoughts and release the negativity I hold towards relationships. I need to convince myself that some “situationships” can evolve from chaotic beginnings into a beautiful union of two people. I need to shift my mindset and understand that not all relationships are filled with betrayal, inconsistency, and uncertainty. There can also be loyalty, consistency, and trust.
MEETING ORGANICALLY VS DATING APPS
Dating apps can be dreadful and chaotic, but how else can you conveniently meet someone, especially in a somewhat uneventful city like Ottawa? When you miss out on meeting someone at school, university, or church (because most of your peers are already married), you must put in more effort to meet new people.
When you’re new in a city like me, dating apps ironically feel like the safest and easiest route to take. You realize your dating preferences broaden, and people of different races enter your radar as potential partners.
In addition to using dating apps, you become more strategic about where you spend your time, which isn’t an entirely organic way to meet someone. You find yourself Googling running and hiking clubs, pretending (well, not entirely) to care about your fitness when you’re actually hoping someone will notice you.
“I’M LOOKING FOR A MAN IN FINANCE. TRUST FUND, 6ft 5″, BLUE EYES.”
Coming from South Africa, where Black people constitute 80.2% of the population, I never felt as acutely aware of my Black identity as I do now in Canada. Transitioning from being part of the majority to a minority has made me question what the white man sitting across from me at Starbucks thinks as he gazes at me. He tries to impress me with discussions on Black history, compliments my braids, and stares at my full, glossy lips with his piercing blue eyes. It leaves me feeling somewhat uneasy.
Despite these experiences, I am eager and curious about exploring romantic relationships outside my race. I am intrigued by the prospect. In an era where women are shifting focus away from men, I seek to explore relationships that might lead me skiing down a mountain or swimming in a lake. I’ve already noticed differences in how men of different races treat Black women.
While I approach dating with an open mind towards different races, I am not blind to the mistreatment and objectification that Black women often face. This awareness heightens my consciousness of my Black identity. It also compels me to initiate difficult conversations about race, which can be uncomfortable for both parties involved but necessary.
Strangely and intriguingly, I look forward to more dates in this new city that is slowly growing on me. Dating not only allows you to get to know others but also allows you to learn more about yourself. And what is the best way to do that than to be present and fully take on new experiences?
While the experience can be overwhelming and heartbreaking at times, I am hopeful about giving love a chance—perhaps over some pasta and lobster!
It’s not uncommon, but rather interesting, for someone to enter the dating scene in their late 20s and to need occasional breaks to maintain their sanity. Venturing into dating outside your comfort zone can be daunting, yet it’s worth exploring.
Get your roughest wig on ladies and let your pasta lobster man match your freak!
Manuella Eken
Editor
Born in Cameroon and having lived in various cities including Brussels, London, and New York, Manuella recently settled in Canada. Holding a master's degree in finance and business management, she currently works in project management. Passionate about literature, she has also founded a community of readers to share their diverse interests.
As the founder of the "WhereTheReadersMeet"; Book Club, she has dedicated her life to creating spaces where readers can come together to explore the infinite worlds of literature. Manuella is driven by the desire to share her passion for reading and to foster enriching discussions withinher community of readers.
Images credits:
Viktoria Slowikowska
