{"id":108893,"date":"2024-08-05T02:38:43","date_gmt":"2024-08-05T06:38:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/?p=108893"},"modified":"2025-05-14T10:32:00","modified_gmt":"2025-05-14T14:32:00","slug":"how-a-predominately-white-city-changed-my-perspective-on-dating","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/en\/how-a-predominately-white-city-changed-my-perspective-on-dating\/","title":{"rendered":"How a predominately white city changed my perspective on dating"},"content":{"rendered":"<div>\n<p>Dating in Ottawa has led me to explore interracial relationships, and to my surprise, I\u2019m not mad about it\u2014at least for now! My recent relocation from Johannesburg, South Africa\u2019s vibrant and bustling youthful city, to Ottawa, Canada\u2019s tranquil and leisurely capital, has been a significant transition. Initially, the sheer difference between these two cities left me conflicted, but I am gradually adjusting. This new adjustment, my friend, had me thinking: what is the dating scene like for a Black woman in a city infatuated with hiking, camping, kayaking, and snowmobiling?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-108894 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/pexels-viktoria-slowikowska-5332359-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"860\" height=\"573\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/pexels-viktoria-slowikowska-5332359-200x133.jpg 200w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/pexels-viktoria-slowikowska-5332359-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/pexels-viktoria-slowikowska-5332359-400x267.jpg 400w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/pexels-viktoria-slowikowska-5332359-600x400.jpg 600w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/pexels-viktoria-slowikowska-5332359-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/pexels-viktoria-slowikowska-5332359-800x533.jpg 800w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/pexels-viktoria-slowikowska-5332359-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/pexels-viktoria-slowikowska-5332359-1200x800.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/pexels-viktoria-slowikowska-5332359-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/pexels-viktoria-slowikowska-5332359-scaled.jpg 2560w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 860px) 100vw, 860px\" \/><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>While I never engaged in serious dating in South Africa for various reasons, my move to Ottawa has sparked my curiosity about exploring the dating scene. I\u2019ve decided to embark on this brave (or perhaps foolish) journey through dating apps (send your prayers, y\u2019all). You might be skeptical but hear me out. As you approach your late 20s, it can be tough to meet potential partners organically.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>Now, sis, before you take my word for it\u2013here&#8217;s a disclaimer: I am still new at this, and my opinion may change before summer ends. Although this brief and emotionally taxing experience hasn\u2019t been entirely positive, I\u2019ve gained valuable lessons and broadened my perspective.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p><b>WHAT YOU THINK, YOU ATTRACT<\/b><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>I chose to close myself off from dating for a couple of reasons. I\u2019ve always harbored a negative viewpoint of relationships because, in my mind, relationships are full of heartaches. In addition, I had a very unhealthy, self-loathing relationship with myself, and there was no way I was going to entrust my heart to anyone else. So, instead, I decided to focus on loving and understanding myself better.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>I&#8217;ve come to realize that to attract a healthy relationship, I need to change my attitude. I must redirect my thoughts and release the negativity I hold towards relationships. I need to convince myself that some &#8220;situationships&#8221; can evolve from chaotic beginnings into a beautiful union of two people. I need to shift my mindset and understand that not all relationships are filled with betrayal, inconsistency, and uncertainty. There can also be loyalty, consistency, and trust.<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-108845\" src=\"https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Untitled-design-8.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"4500\" height=\"2531\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Untitled-design-8-200x112.png 200w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Untitled-design-8-300x169.png 300w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Untitled-design-8-400x225.png 400w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Untitled-design-8-600x337.png 600w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Untitled-design-8-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Untitled-design-8-800x450.png 800w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Untitled-design-8-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Untitled-design-8-1200x675.png 1200w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Untitled-design-8-1536x864.png 1536w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/08\/Untitled-design-8.png 4500w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 4500px) 100vw, 4500px\" \/><\/p>\n<div>\n<p><b>MEETING ORGANICALLY VS DATING APPS<\/b><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>Dating apps can be dreadful and chaotic, but how else can you conveniently meet someone, especially in a somewhat uneventful city like Ottawa? When you miss out on meeting someone at school, university, or church (because most of your peers are already married), you must put in more effort to meet new people.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>When you&#8217;re new in a city like me, dating apps ironically feel like the safest and easiest route to take. You realize your dating preferences broaden, and people of different races enter your radar as potential partners.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>In addition to using dating apps, you become more strategic about where you spend your time, which isn\u2019t an entirely organic way to meet someone. You find yourself Googling running and hiking clubs, pretending (well, not entirely) to care about your fitness when you\u2019re actually hoping someone will notice you.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p><b>\u201cI\u2019M LOOKING FOR A MAN IN FINANCE<\/b><b>.<\/b><span class=\"apple-converted-space\"><b>\u00a0<\/b><\/span><b>TRUST FUND,<\/b><span class=\"apple-converted-space\"><b>\u00a0<\/b><\/span><b>6ft 5&#8243;, BLUE EYES.\u201d<\/b><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>Coming from South Africa, where Black people constitute 80.2% of the population, I never felt as acutely aware of my Black identity as I do now in Canada. Transitioning from being part of the majority to a minority has made me question what the white man sitting across from me at Starbucks thinks as he gazes at me. He tries to impress me with discussions on Black history, compliments my braids, and stares at my full, glossy lips with his piercing blue eyes. It leaves me feeling somewhat uneasy.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>Despite these experiences, I am eager and curious about exploring romantic relationships outside my race. I am intrigued by the prospect. In an era where women are shifting focus away from men, I seek to explore relationships that might lead me skiing down a mountain or swimming in a lake. I&#8217;ve already noticed differences in how men of different races treat Black women.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>While I approach dating with an open mind towards different races, I am not blind to the mistreatment and objectification that Black women often face. This awareness heightens my consciousness of my Black identity. It also compels me to initiate difficult conversations about race, which can be uncomfortable for both parties involved but necessary.<img decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-108841 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/Untitled-design-2-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"831\" height=\"555\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/Untitled-design-2-200x134.jpg 200w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/Untitled-design-2-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/Untitled-design-2-400x267.jpg 400w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/Untitled-design-2-600x401.jpg 600w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/Untitled-design-2-768x513.jpg 768w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/Untitled-design-2-800x534.jpg 800w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/Untitled-design-2-1024x684.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/Untitled-design-2-1200x801.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/Untitled-design-2-1536x1025.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/07\/Untitled-design-2-scaled.jpg 2560w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 831px) 100vw, 831px\" \/><\/p>\n<div>\n<p><a name=\"OLE_LINK1\"><\/a><a name=\"OLE_LINK2\"><\/a>Strangely and intriguingly, I look forward to more dates in this new city that is slowly growing on me. Dating not only allows you to get to know others but also allows you to learn more about yourself. And what is the best way to do that than to be present and fully take on new experiences?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>While the experience can be overwhelming and heartbreaking at times, I am hopeful about giving love a chance\u2014perhaps over some pasta and lobster!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>It&#8217;s not uncommon, but rather interesting, for someone to enter the dating scene in their late 20s and to need occasional breaks to maintain their sanity. Venturing into dating outside your comfort zone can be daunting, yet it\u2019s worth exploring.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p>Get your roughest wig on ladies and let your pasta lobster man match your freak!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p><a name=\"OLE_LINK1\"><\/a><a name=\"OLE_LINK2\"><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dating in Ottawa has led me to explore interracial relationships, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":108843,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":"","_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[238],"tags":[246],"couleur":[],"etiquette-darchives":[],"type-de-ressource":[],"class_list":["post-108893","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-magazine-en","tag-sister"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.4 - 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