{"id":103549,"date":"2020-10-10T09:22:53","date_gmt":"2020-10-10T14:22:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/?p=103549"},"modified":"2025-05-14T10:32:19","modified_gmt":"2025-05-14T14:32:19","slug":"my-mom-taught-me-to-heal-through-worship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/en\/my-mom-taught-me-to-heal-through-worship\/","title":{"rendered":"My Mom Taught Me to Heal Through Worship"},"content":{"rendered":"

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Once I went to a conference where they were talking about mental health in black communities.<\/span>
\nIt all felt so weird, yet so rewarding<\/span>
\nComing into that room filled with black, brown, light and white faces.<\/span><\/p>\n

I have to say, I was kind of shocked you know, because well, from what I know, black people don\u2019t talk about mental health<\/span><\/p>\n

Some call it a taboo, I call it a deep fear<\/span><\/p>\n

And of course, I am not talking about me<\/span>
\nI distanced myself [at the time] from those people, my people<\/span>
\nI just went because a good friend of mine invited me<\/span>
\nit was nothing to me<\/span>
\nPersonally<\/span><\/p>\n

\/\/<\/span>
\nOne of my friends sent me a DM saying that riots don\u2019t change behaviours<\/span>
\nI replied that they make the rage and the hate get out of the mind<\/span><\/p>\n

He answered that the rage and the hate grew in the mind because the system let it<\/span>
\nThe system don\u2019t allow change therefore enhance rage <\/span>
\nRiots should not be the answer to that<\/span>
\nDiscourse should<\/span>
\nBut the black community can\u2019t find a unity in discourse therefore they riots<\/span><\/p>\n

To me he wasn\u2019t right<\/span>
\nWe have a unity in discourse<\/span>
\nWe want to live<\/span>
\nIt\u2019s enough<\/span><\/p>\n

To him too<\/span>
\nbut wanting was not enough <\/span>
\nEducation is<\/span><\/p>\n

I agreed.<\/span><\/p>\n

\/\/<\/span><\/p>\n

My mother has a PhD in Health and Society, <\/span>
\nher thesis was about the healing power of spirituality, <\/span>
\nshe\u2019s \u2018\u2019the psych\u2019\u2019 in my church<\/span>
\nPeople come to her and talk to her, and then leave better. <\/span>
\nAnd she talked to us too, you know,<\/span>
\nmy family I mean: 2 brothers, 2 sisters, 1 dad.<\/span>
\nYes, I have one.<\/span><\/p>\n

In our home, I always felt like my parents were ready for us. <\/span>
\nLike the “I got you” type of vibe.<\/span>
\nI never felt privileged nor different<\/span><\/p>\n

They got me.<\/span><\/p>\n

Well at the time it didn\u2019t occur to me that maybe I didn\u2019t get myself.<\/span><\/p>\n

\/\/<\/span><\/p>\n

The first guy I ever loved was white.<\/span>
\nThe moment we kissed, I felt like I betrayed my people.<\/span><\/p>\n

One time, we were discussing children and I said I wanted to have black kids, he looked at himself and laughed.<\/span><\/p>\n

I wasn\u2019t joking, <\/span>
\nthat was my first step towards the break up.<\/span><\/p>\n

Breaking up with a culture is nothing funny.<\/span><\/p>\n

\/\/<\/span>
\nFirst time I kissed a girl, I was drunk.<\/span>
\nI did it as a joke, to entertain my people. Black people. I was the only white one.<\/span><\/p>\n

My skin color peeled itself out of my body the minute I chose Celine Dion over Ray Charles<\/span>
\nAnd the sound of my voice shifted from the roar of a lion to the growl of a polar bear<\/span><\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t about me.<\/span>
\nIt never was, it was about my people.<\/span><\/p>\n

\/\/<\/span><\/p>\n

One time some white kid threw a banana at my feet while I was walking to my class<\/span><\/p>\n

I laughed<\/span>
\nIt was funny to everyone why not me?<\/span><\/p>\n

\/\/<\/span><\/p>\n

One night I woke up from a dream where I was me. The white version of me.<\/span><\/p>\n

I started singing worship songs, because I didn\u2019t know any better, and for a second I thought about the richness of being black.<\/span><\/p>\n

And it did cover the monkey sounds in my head.<\/span><\/p>\n

\/\/<\/span>
\nBlack communities are not ready to take care of their people.<\/span>
\n.<\/span>
\n.<\/span>
\n.<\/span>
\nThere I said it.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Wallace,

Wallace, S. (2018). Black America again [Photography].http:\/\/blacksandblues.com\/shan<\/p><\/div>

\"Kaphar,

Kaphar, T. (2014). Behind the myth of benevolence [Photography]. https:\/\/kapharstudio.com\/behind-the-myth-of-benevolence\/<\/p><\/div><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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