{"id":102934,"date":"2020-06-12T13:36:12","date_gmt":"2020-06-12T13:36:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/?p=102934"},"modified":"2025-05-14T10:32:21","modified_gmt":"2025-05-14T14:32:21","slug":"being-quiet-unpacking-silence-in-this-racially-charged-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/en\/being-quiet-unpacking-silence-in-this-racially-charged-time\/","title":{"rendered":"Being quiet: Unpacking silence in this racially charged time"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I should start with some facts about myself.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I grew up in Orange, NJ, a city that was once the hat making capital of the United States. It\u2019s small, consisting of low income housing, suburbs, and an abandoned hospital. My parents were born and raised in Cameroon, Africa. They moved to the United States in their 20s.<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\">I grew up Pentecostal, where praise dancing in the aisles and witnessing miracles was a typical Sunday at church.<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\">I\u2019m 5\u20193 on a good day.<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\">I\u2019m a color shade of brown that I have yet to find the right makeup foundation for.<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\">I hate and love writing. I\u2019m obsessed with chunky peanut butter and critical analysis. I lost a game of Words with Friends because I made a rookie mistake. I\u2019m clearly not over the loss. I think that makes me competitive too, or really bad at moving on.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Lately, I have also been what\u2019s considered a dirty word in this sensitive time.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>Quiet.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Being quiet is associated with complicitness, inaction, passivity, and cowardliness. I wholeheartedly agree with the associations, which is precisely why I feel the need to unpack my current silence. In general, I hit the age of 33 and found myself rediscovering life and relearning about the world and my faith after experiencing trauma. I question myself more than I ever have, and I process information slowly. My joy comes out in sputters instead of steady streams. I no longer laugh at my awkwardness. I\u2019m also relearning what it means to dream.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I have barely expressed my reactions to the current news: Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd, killed. Violently, needlessly. Amy Cooper threatening Chris Cooper. I have read the outrage, the headlines, and the Instagram stories. I am stunned that even a worldwide pandemic was unable to hold back racial injustice.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-104615 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Being-Quiet-1-770x512-1.jpg\" alt=\"Op\u00e9ration polici\u00e8re dans une manifestation\" width=\"770\" height=\"512\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Being-Quiet-1-770x512-1-200x133.jpg 200w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Being-Quiet-1-770x512-1-300x199.jpg 300w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Being-Quiet-1-770x512-1-400x266.jpg 400w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Being-Quiet-1-770x512-1-600x399.jpg 600w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Being-Quiet-1-770x512-1-768x511.jpg 768w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Being-Quiet-1-770x512-1.jpg 770w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 770px) 100vw, 770px\" \/>I am quiet right now from watching and hearing emotionally charged and fundamentally flawed arguments about rioting being wrong. That racism and conservatism are one. I am reading the memes from friends saying \u201cI kneel for the cross and stand for the flag.\u201d I\u2019m looking at fragmented retellings of a Jesus as a pacifist who didn\u2019t flip tables and crack a whip at the face of corruption and a Dr. King who only spoke of dreams.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I am quiet from hearing people rationalize that bad cops are the same as corrupt people in every other profession, that there is data to support that more white people have been killed by police within the past three years than minority groups, while dismissing that the same data reveals a disproportionate number of people of color being killed by police.<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"color: #000000;\">I am quiet because my dad once said you cannot expect to be free in a place you were once enslaved.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I am quiet because I performed the poem \u201cHeritage\u201d by Naana Banyiwa Horne in my Acting For Writers Class and unexpectedly burst into tears.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I am quiet because I am still grieving Tamir Rice.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I am quiet because trauma is in the black body\u2019s DNA.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I am quiet from unpacking my view of a country I love and mourn.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I am quiet because I am reminded of the book of Job, where Job outwardly mourns and confides in his friends about his grief, only to be met with criticism and blame.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I remember a time when I was a kid at the beach with my family and I experienced the ocean and its power for the first time. My mother, a strong swimmer, was far out in the water, catching waves, and I wanted to get close to her. I, small and a poor swimmer, moved toward her when a wave pulled me under. I can barely understand the events that happened next, but while I was stuck, I had time to think. I raised my hand through the water and waited to be seen. Soon, I felt hands pull me up. My mother\u2019s hands.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Ultimately, I am quiet because I feel stuck underwater, processing. But I know I cannot stay here. So<img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-104614\" src=\"https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Being-Quiet-2-770x578-1-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"Tourbillon dans l'oc\u00e9an\" width=\"500\" height=\"375\" srcset=\"https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Being-Quiet-2-770x578-1-200x150.jpg 200w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Being-Quiet-2-770x578-1-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Being-Quiet-2-770x578-1-400x300.jpg 400w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Being-Quiet-2-770x578-1-600x450.jpg 600w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Being-Quiet-2-770x578-1-768x576.jpg 768w, https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Being-Quiet-2-770x578-1.jpg 770w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/> my hand is up, telling you I am unpacking.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I believe taking action can and should look like many things. I also believe being quiet is not always synonymous with cowardice. Perhaps some people need help getting above the water.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I\u2019ve had conversations with amazing friends, representing diverse socio-economic backgrounds and races. One friend, outraged over what\u2019s been happening, also expressed confusion on how to feel about her place in these racial issues, as a white woman. Confusion, shock, and grief can be crippling. Not having all the answers can be crippling.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I also believe each of us is the answer to ridding this country of systemic racism, a system that, as my friend said to me, isn\u2019t broken, but thriving.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">This is why we have to do everything we can to avoid staying quiet for too long. We will drown if we don\u2019t. Let\u2019s continue to be open about our imperfect understanding of this cycle of racially charged violence. Let\u2019s allow each other to be open about what we understand and don\u2019t. Let\u2019s give each other space to grieve and be angry and confused. But let\u2019s help each other figure out the next move because staying underwater should not be the option. You\u2019re needed above. We all are.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Ways to help now:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>Support the Minnesota Freedom Fund<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/minnesotafreedomfund.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\">https:\/\/minnesotafreedomfund.org\/<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>Support The Twin Cities Recovery Project<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/twincitiesrecoveryproject.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\">https:\/\/twincitiesrecoveryproject.org\/<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>Contribute to George Floyd\u2019s memorial fund<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/www.gofundme.com\/f\/georgefloyd\/donate\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\">https:\/\/www.gofundme.com\/f\/georgefloyd\/donate<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>Support posting bail for protestors around the country<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/bailfunds.github.io\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\">https:\/\/bailfunds.github.io\/<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Read\/Research:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>Read Strength to Love by Martin Luther King Jr.<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodreads.com\/book\/show\/52101.Strength_to_Love?from_search=true&amp;from_srp=true&amp;qid=MjjMF2JRUC&amp;rank=1\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\">https:\/\/www.goodreads.com\/book\/show\/52101.Strength_to_Love?from_search=true&amp;from_srp=true&amp;qid=MjjMF2JRUC&amp;rank=1<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>Check out and subscribe to Transition, an African diasporic magazine<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/www.jstor.org\/journal\/transition\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\">https:\/\/www.jstor.org\/journal\/transition<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>Read Well-Read Black Girl, Finding Our Stories, Discovering Ourselves by Glory Edim<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>Listen.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>Talk.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>Add to this list.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I should start with some facts about myself. I grew [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":104613,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":"","_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[238],"tags":[261],"couleur":[],"etiquette-darchives":[],"type-de-ressource":[],"class_list":["post-102934","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-magazine-en","tag-society"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Being quiet: Unpacking silence in this racially charged time - Sayaspora<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/sayaspora.com\/en\/being-quiet-unpacking-silence-in-this-racially-charged-time\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Being quiet: Unpacking silence in this racially charged time - Sayaspora\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I should start with some facts about myself. 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