Le mois de février a été désigné par défaut comme celui de l’Amour. Une symbolique qu’il doit au fameux 14 février de la Saint-Valentin, historiquement célébré dans les mondes occidentaux.
Que l’on adhère ou pas à cette célébration, nous ne pouvons pas passer à côté de toute la pression sociale qui réside autour de cet événement. Nous pouvons rapidement nous sentir écraser par cette vague de cœurs rouges, où les représentations de l’amour sont souvent les mêmes, comme si la société ignorait la complexité des êtres qui la compose alors qu’il doit exister autant de formes d’amour qu’il existe d’êtres humains sur Terre. Compte tenu des rapports conflictuels entre les sexes, les genres, les races et les classes, l’idée que l’on a de l’amour est conditionnée et parfois très éloignée de la réalité.
Dans son livre All About Love : New Vision, l’iconique Bell Hooks — qui nous a quittés le 15 décembre dernier — explore les différents aspects de l’amour dans les sociétés modernes et se risque à l’exercice d’un essai critique social, philosophique, psychologique et presque spirituel.
Tout le monde n’adhère pas forcément aux dires de Bell Hooks, mais nous ne pouvons nier l’apport précieux et révolutionnaire des pensées de cette afroféministe.
Voici 10 leçons sur l’amour enseignées par Bell Hooks valables dans les relations amoureuses comme dans les autres rapports humains.
1. L’amour est un acte d’intention
“Love as ‘the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.’ Love is as love does. Love is an act of will–namely, both an intention and an action.”
2. Pour aimer, il faut choisir d’aimer
“The choice to love is a choice to connect — to find ourselves in the other.”
3. Il ne peut pas y avoir d’amour sans justice
“There can be no love without justice…abuse and neglect negate love. Care and affirmation, the opposite of abuse and humiliation, are the foundation of love. It is a testimony to the failure of loving practice that abuse is happening in the first place.”
4. Il faut s’aimer autant qu’on aimerait que les autres nous aiment
“One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others. There was a time when I felt lousy about my over-forty body, saw myself as too fat, too this, or too that. Yet I fantasized about finding a lover who would give me the gift of being loved as I am. It is silly, isn’t it, that I would dream of someone else offering to me the acceptance and affirmation I was withholding from myself. This was a moment when the maxim “You can never love anybody if you are unable to love yourself” made clear sense. And I add, “Do not expect to receive the love from someone else you do not give yourself.”
5.Le patriarcat est un obstacle à l’amour
“Reviewing the literature on love I noticed how few writers, male or female, talk about the impact of patriarchy, the way in which male domination of women and children stands in the ways of love.”
6.La connaissance est un outil essentiel de l’amour
“Understanding knowledge as an essential element of love is vital because we are bombarded daily with messages that tell us love is about mystery, about that which cannot be known. We see movies in which people are represented as being in love who never talk with one another, who fall into bed without ever discussing their bodies, their sexual needs, their likes and dislikes. Indeed, the message is received from the mass media is that knowledge makes love less compelling; that it is ignorance that gives love its erotic and transgressive edge. These messages are brought to us by profiteering producers who have no clue about the art of loving, who substitute their mystified visions because they do not really know how to genuinely portray loving interaction.”
7.Le sexe ne définit pas l’amour
‘Couples who rarely or never have sex can know lifelong love.’
8.L’amour permet aux âmes de se rencontrer
“When we reveal ourselves to our partner and find that this brings healing rather than harm, we make an important discovery—that intimate relationship can provide a sanctuary from the world of facades, a sacred space where we can be ourselves, as we are. . . . This kind of unmasking—speaking our truth, sharing our inner struggles, and revealing our raw edges—is sacred activity, which allows two souls to meet and touch more deeply.”
9.Croire en l’amour, c’est cultiver l’espoir
“Individuals who want to believe that there is no fulfillment in love, that true love does not exist, cling to these assumptions because this despair is actually easier to face than the reality that love is a real fact of life but is absent from their lives.”
10.La lumière de l’amour est toujours en nous
“The light of love is always in us, no matter how cold the flame. It is always present, waiting for the spark to ignite, waiting for the heart to awaken.”
Autrice : Candice Zogo.
